*pic taken last weekend when I visited my friends Net and Dave and their beautiful daughter Anya*
I had another light bulb moment while I was taking a shower a few minutes ago. I couldn't wait to write down my thoughts so I rushed to my drawer to get an underwear, wore my panty and went in front of my computer, opened my blog and here I am now, hair still dripping wet, half naked, writing down my thoughts... It's about my project baby.
Thinking of things you're thankful for each day can bring such a sense of calm and feeling of happiness even when you've been feeling down for so long. It's just a matter of discipline and constant practice but if you do this every day, I promise you, the quality of your life will be so much better. I should know. Although I must admit that I haven't been doing this for a long while and was focusing on the negative side of things and that was when things started falling apart. My husband and I were constantly bickering at each other, I got sick, and our finances dwindled. But once I stopped myself from falling into that old destructive pattern and regained control over my feelings, things started falling into place once again and it's getting better and better.
Anyway, I'd like to start this gratitude journal here on my online self-help blog. You can do the same and as you practice the attitude of gratitude, notice how things begin to become better in your life. It could be small things, it could be big things. Just be aware and continuously practice giving thanks to blessings you receive each passing day NO MATTER WHAT.
For this morning alone, I have three things to be thankful for:
By discovering HP Plus for my laboratory tests, I was able to save Php 10,000 on medical expenses.
The person who extracted my blood this morning had such gentle hands that I didn't feel a thing. It was a first for me! In the past, whenever I'd get a blood test, the experience was usually painful. Thank God it wasn't today!
My husband was with me the whole time and he was more sweet than usual.
When I got home, more blessings greeted me...
Our fridge and pantry are full of healthy foods I can eat.
Our house with the Christmas decors around is looking lovely as usual.
I have a bag of new Nivea products I'm testing which I'll share with you on my other blog.
My vegetable plants are growing (both my okra and tomato plants have just sprouted some flowers and maybe even a fruit!)
My tomato plant has flowers now!
Realizing these blessings made me happier today. And because I'm happier, I'm more productive and efficient with everything that I have to do. I even got to do 4 blog posts in between!
I'll also be going out on a fancy dinner date with my hubby tonight, and another fancy dinner date with my parents tomorrow. Those are two more things I am thankful for. How about you? (^_^)
My world seemed kind of "noisy" recently... or at best, it's not as peaceful as I willed it to be in the past. A family member has been staying with us for more or less two weeks now and though a big part of me is happy to be with this person again, her being strong-willed, opinionated and feisty are somewhat draining the lights out of me. Her life decisions made me question my own; her material wealth (like those branded bags she has) made me discontent; basically her presence made mine feel obsolete (like the way I dress myself although I know what she meant). I felt like I want what she has... it made me think for a while that her life was better than mine. I am normally not like this. I easily get happy for other people's blessings and happiness and I normally don't compare myself or my home life to others because truth be told, I am weird and there are not a lot of people who understand my chosen lifestyle. I've already come to accept that. But when my life and my decisions get questioned or challenged, especially by someone I hold dear, little doubts here and there get planted and before I know it, I am a one big ball of mess.
But before I even get to that messy part, I am once again seeking peace from all this noise in my head and around me. I turn to my Para-Grams. And so I drew the card that talks about being calm:
Knowing that you are a child of God, make up your mind to be calm no matter what happens. If your mind is fully identified with your activities, you cannot be conscious of the Lord. But if you are calm and receptive to him within while being active without, you are rightly active. Each time a swarm of worries invades your mind, refuse to be affected; wait calmly while seeking the remedy. Spray the worries with the powerful chemical of your peace. You cannot buy peace; you must know how to manufacture it within, in the stillness of your daily practices in meditation. When you think that you have reached the utmost depth of silence and calmness, go deeper still. In the silence you will receive from God the answers to your life's problems.
I like that part where it says I must manufacture my peace within. That particular day when I felt so troubled, as if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and everything I did just ended in failure, I stopped, closed my eyes and meditated. I quieted my mind and my heart. It was difficult especially with all the self-doubts swimming in my head and in my heart. It took a long while too and realized that I missed it.
With the busyness of my life, I wasn't able to meditate as frequently and as regularly as I did in the past. No wonder I was easily swayed, my emotions were easily stirred and it seemed like I couldn't find my inner voice. I now refuse to be affected by this noise and I promise to continue to live by my own rules of happiness. It's how God made me and I do believe that I should honor that, and not be someone else that I am not.
Lately, I have been feeling down again. Maybe it's because my husband got sick over the weekend, and it's really hard for me every time that happens. I feel mad, I feel very worried, I feel like I should be doing something more fun and productive, yet there I was, playing nurse and starting to feel sick too. It was not until I went online to read a couple of posts from this blog (reading my past realizations somehow makes me feel a lot better), checked my messages and answered some that I felt inspired once again.
On this particular post, I'd like to share a conversation I had with someone who contacted me via Facebook. It's about facing one's fears, about how I seemingly managed to do a lot of things and how this person can be fearless as well. After I wrote my advice and read it again, it also hit me, like... wow! I did all those things?! It's amazing how some people who seek for my help end up being the ones who help and inspire me instead. So this post is for Sam (name altered for privacy purposes). Thank you, Sam, for making me see that in spite of a couple of bumps along the way, life is still beautiful.
Sam:
Hi Ms. Jen, Ive just watched your TV appearances. Sikat ka pala tlaga (I didn't know you're famous). You are right, confidence is one of the keys... for doing what you want and need.. I admire your fearless and adventurous personality. I really wanted to do things I wanted to do, but when I had minor heart problem, mitral valve prolapse in which palpitations and anxiety ruins my moods...
Luckily, I dont have any maintenance medicine, but I have medicine for palpitations if I can't bear the attacks. This illness is more associated with the mind, nasasamahan pa ng nerbyos kapag naiisip ko o akala ko aatakihin ako... (coupled with nervousness when I think I'm going to have another attack). Good thing some gym work out really helps.
I'm asking for your advice or any suggestions on how to overcome fears, how I can be motivated for doing what I love.. dami ko hindi ngagawa kasi nga maraming fears (There are so many things I can't do due to my fears) or negativity before I even start. How can I be more motivated?? I'm also still struggling to find what my passion really is...
BTW I'm now reading Happiness in Hard Times, thank you. I'm also sharing it to my friends.. your blogs are very informative and inspirational.. and Thank you very much.. More Blessings to you Ms. Jen!
My reply:
Sorry for my late reply. I've been playing wifey and mommy to my sick husband these past few days and I haven't been opening my messages folder here on FB. Sorry about that.
Hey, I'm so glad you're reading the book now and sharing it with your friends. That book is my Bible. I've been reading it too over the weekend coz every time my hubby gets sick, for some reason, I also get mad at him and I'm trying to overcome that. I guess I was just expecting our weekend to be fun. I usually don't see him all week because of work and I was hoping we can go out of town and windsurf but instead we had to stay home and I had to take care of him. But he's getting better now, thank God.
I'm so sorry to hear about your heart condition. At the same time I am saying a silent thank you prayer that it's not worse than it is. Like you said, it's all in the mind. Just keep training your mind and keep believing that you're healthy, that you have everything you need, that your life is unfolding perfectly. Just keep being grateful for the blessings you have and the blessings that keep coming your way no matter how small. The more you feel good about your life, the better your life will get and the more things you can do.
Being fearless is not about not feeling fear. It's actually acknowledging the fact that you fear something and it's also acknowledging the fact that you can face your fear and overcome it.
Many of the things I did, I did while I was feeling very fearful...
I was scared of the ocean so I surfed, I snorkeled, I tried diving once, I rode boats amidst the swells of the ocean.
I was scared to jump off a cliff so I jumped amidst the raging falls at Pundaquit in Zambales, 15 meters high.
I was scared of snakes and alligators, so I went to zoos and held all sorts of snakes and carried a baby crocodile.
I was scared to fly, so I took 6 flights from Manila to Singapore to Kuala Lumpur to Vietnam in a period of 8 days.
I was scared to be alone so I spent 4 weeks alone in Boracay....
All these things were scary for me. I cried at some point but I knew I just had to do them and face them. I will always be scared to do them all over again but at least now I know I can do them despite the feeling of fear. Like anything else, it's just a feeling. I can choose to ignore the fear and just go on with my life, doing things that I know will make me a better person.
So just do what you want to do, as long as you know it won't pose a great risk to your life. The reason why I stopped diving is because I had a hard time pressurizing my ear at that time, that if I didn't stop I knew I'd die. For some people, diving is easy. But I am also smart enough to know what my limits are and when to say no.
So try to do the things you want at least once. Those you enjoyed the most, keep doing them again and again. Before you know it, you'll realize what your passion in life really is.
I hope what I've been saying here makes sense. I wish you well, Sam. And do update me of your progress..
Cheerfulness consists principally in the attitude of the mind, and is conditioned only incidentally by outside factors. Your happiness need not die, stricken by poverty, sickness, or sorrow. Realize that enough hidden strength lies within you to overcome all obstacles and temptations. Bring forth that indomitable power and energy by being cheerful at all times in spite of your circumstances. Only when you lose your mental balance are you vulnerable to suffering. If you are burned by the fire of difficulties, apply the salve of cheerfulness until your inner balance and peace are restored.
Have you ever experienced one bad thing happening to you after another? What do you do to bounce back? What can you do to be able to take a deep breathe, detach yourself from the situation, and move on?
Many people I know tend to have a hard time going forward with their lives whenever something tragic happens to them. I guess it's human nature. Nobody's perfect and we have to sometimes allow ourselves to sulk, mope, eat lots of ice cream or do whatever it is to make the hurt and pain go away. For some, the process is easy. For others, it can take time and effort, resources which can be scarce, given the busy lives people tend to live today.
But then again, who says that life is easy? Well, I know I did say that before. And I still believe it until now, even when I'm busily burying myself in work, trying to ignore the pain caused by my PC and external drive crashing down on me (where my most precious memories and confidential files since 2002 were saved), and even when I seldom sleep anymore. Life is easy and if it's hard right now, it's because I am making it so.
Nobody told me to work 24 hours a day. Everyone kept saying to back up, back up, back up! Nobody forced me to be miserable. And I am stopping now. There are more severe problems out there in the world, like maybe the fact that our country just recently voted for the next President (Noynoy Aquino) and already, they are clamoring for his removal from office. See? My problems are so tiny next to what our country will be facing in the next several years.
Cheerfulness, just like love and happiness are not only gifts. They are both our right and obligation to ourselves because we deserve no less. Cheerfulness must come from within, even in the most dire of circumstances. It's just life. Sometimes we have it all, sometimes we don't. Let's move on and make new memories, create new blessings, live better lives. Today is always the perfect day to start. Aren't we Pinoys known to be one of the most cheerful race? So, who's with me?
This next principle has proven to be very valuable for me. You see, the past several years, I have been conditioned by certain events in my life to be a little extra careful. And there are times when I get too paranoid that I start thinking people are out to get me!
At some level, this kind of paranoia can be helpful. I tend to be cautious of my surroundings when I travel, I double check everything before leaving the house and before going to bed, I make lists, I have contingency plans in case things go wrong. I am O.C. that way. On the other hand, it would be better and more helpful for my well-being if I apply this principle of being an inverse paranoid. Instead of thinking that bad people are out to get me, why not think that people and circumstances are out to help me get what I want? And so, I have this mantra that I include in my daily meditation: "All great things are coming to me. People and opportunities are part of a plot to enhance my well-being." Because of this mindset, I am slowly letting go of my paranoia and replacing it instead with good, positive vibes. After all, there is opportunity in everything, no matter how difficult certain circumstances might be.
If you take the approach that "good" is not an accident --- that everyone and everything that shows up in your life is there for a reason --- and that the universe is moving you toward your ultimate destiny for learning, growth, and achievement, you'll begin to see every event, no matter how difficult or challenging, as a chance for enrichment and advancement in your life.
And when that time comes that things seem to fall apart, just know that God must have something better in store for you. Rather than thinking what a loser you are, change your paradigm and believe that it's just not meant and something greater is about to happen. Practice this and see how it goes.
The 5th principle is very much tied with the fourth. Now that you believe anything is possible, then go the extra mile by believing in yourself first.
You weren't an accident. You weren't mass produced. You aren't an assembly-line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on Earth by the Master Craftsman. - Max Lucado, best-selling author
Believe in yourself. How simple is that? It doesn't matter whether you are the smartest one around or the one who didn't finish college. Believe in yourself... in your capabilities and everything else will follow. How many billionaires do we know who never even finished college? And how many people do we know who have gotten their masters and doctorate degrees and yet are still not financially successful? Don't let others dictate how you should live your life. And in times when no one else believes in you, you have to believe in yourself. This is what will make you a winner. What others think about you is none of your business. Whether you like it or not, Dr. Daniel Amen's 18/40/60 Rule is very true:
When you're 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you're 40, you don't give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you're 60, you realize that nobody's been thinking about you at all.
This is such a revelation isn't?! Here we are, wasting our time worrying about what others think of us. When in truth, no one really bothers coz everyone else is also busy thinking about themselves! So stop wasting time and start using it doing more productive things that can help you achieve your goal. As a young kid, I've always known that I was the shy type. I did have tons of friends and acquaintances both in school and wherever I go but I know deep down, I'm happier by myself. But, I also know that the world does not operate that way. If I wanted to succeed, I made myself believe that I should get out of my shell and explore my options. So what I did was, I just believed in myself that I could do it. Whether it was to lead a class, or to act on stage, or to talk in front of so many people, or to deliver a speech during oratorical contests, I just know that I can do it, nervous and all. As an elementary and secondary student, I was always sent to various quiz bees, seminars, workshops, etc. and I was expected to lead and mingle with people. No matter how shy I'd get, I just start by faking it at first. I have always been good at acting anyway, so I might as well use it. It did pay off. The confidence that grew in me was brought about by years of practice, of believing in myself that I can do it. And even if at times I fail, I just get up again and again. I don't want to waste my time believing that I can't. This is why I love venturing into new things. I've given up "I can't" a long time ago. And whenever I do feel like I can't, at least I know that I always have a choice of whether to believe it or not. And so do you. It's just a matter or attitude.
In my last post I wrote: "Make sure the choices you make are consistent with your inner values. By aligning everything in your life, you are aligning yourself with the universe. When you are aligned with the universe, we all know what happens next.... your life will then be a series of one miracle after another." I took my own advice when the job I was pursuing didn't feel right anymore. After pursuing something that I thought I would love to do for the rest of my life, I realized that it was not the case. Ever since I learned about The Secret in 2007, I have become more aware of my emotions and my varying states of being. I have somehow developed this habit of knowing when I am one with the universe and when I am not. Our emotional guiding system, when discerned and used properly, is really a tool leading us to the right path in our lives. When you feel that you are at peace, happy and abundant then you know that the direction you're taking is the correct one. At that time, I was doing everything I can to keep loving my job because truth be told, I loved it! I was excited by it! I didn't know anything about it but I was willing to learn. After all, it is a very prestigious one and it took a very rigorous process before I was even offered apprenticeship. However, I also didn't want it to be just about that. I've already spent the last 6 years of my life sticking it out in a job I didn't like but a million other people will die for because of the huge monetary benefits it offered. But I don't want history repeating itself. I've already learned my lessons in that and I wanted to move on. So as soon as I experienced the telltale signs, I acted on it. I quit and started pursuing those other unconventional things that I loved to do since I was a little girl. Money is not so great (yet) but I am happier, healthier and more full of love than ever. Now, that's a very strong indication that I am doing something right. And since then (it's been roughly four weeks since I left that job), I noticed that blessings have been pouring more often and a lot faster than usual. That's how the universe works. It likes speed and results! Most of the time, it's just us who are putting hindrances to the blessings that can't wait to fall on our lap. So let's try to make them come easier and a lot faster! Listen, act and believe. Then life gets easier.
Over the next several months, I shall be sharing with you my insights on one of Jack Canfield's many published books, The Success Principles (How to Get from Where You are to Where You Want to Be). If you'd like to purchase a copy, it's only priced at Php745.00 in Powerbooks which I think is pretty cheap for such a very good investment. It's practical and easy to read too.
One busy evening, I was asked by a male friend of mine online: "How can you always stay so positive?". I surmise that many of my friends are wondering about the same thing too but he was the one brave enough to actually ask me. I replied that it's something I have always inculcated in myself since way back in college. A decade later, I am finally reaping its benefits. Read more:
