How to beat Stress? Pinpoint your stressors.

As the old saying goes, "knowing is half the battle", and indeed, it is true, including when trying to beat stress in your daily life. Stress is normal. It happens to everyone, even to the most saintly person in this whole world. After all, stress is really a God-given / natural response that triggers our body to fight or flight. At the most basic level, stress can spur us to act when there is an emergency or when our life is put at risk.

However, when stress lingers or gets triggered even by the smallest or the most mundane of things, then stress itself could be a danger to us. In the long run, it can cause severe illnesses like heart attack, migraine, high blood pressure, even the common cold. It can rob you of your creativity, make you forgetful and disorganized, and simply make your life miserable. When stress becomes like this in your life, it's time to take action and beat it. But how?

One way to beat stress is to know where it's coming from. Are you stressed out when you're procrastinating? Is stress a result of your being unemployed, or having an unresolved conflict with someone, or being disorganized, or from being obsessive-compulsive or a perfectionist? Is your dead-end job stressing you out? Is it your parents? Your in-laws? Your friends? Your social network? Whatever the source of your stress is, you have to be able to pinpoint it out so you can start thinking of a solution for it.

As for me, lately, I have been stressed about my upcoming trip to Cagayan de Oro. It's all those ugly memories I've had with my grandparents that are coming to the surface and stressing me out. They've hurt me so much in the past that even if I've already forgiven them, I just can never forget. My solution? I now adapt a little paradigm shift by looking at the fact that my grandfather is almost 90 years old and that he needs to be with his grandchildren now more than ever, before it's too late. I am also looking at this trip as an opportunity to travel with my parents which we haven't done in a very long time. And lastly, I will have a chance to see my bestest friend, Mer, as well as my other high school friends should time permit it.

If I wasn't able to pinpoint where my jittery feelings, anxiety and stress are all coming from these past few days, I'd probably be having a sour mood everyday and my husband would likely be the recipient of my bad behavior. Now that I know where they're coming from, I am able to control my emotions and separate them from what is real and happening right now.

So try this technique. Pinpoint your stressors and beat stress now.

PEACE - A Paragram by Paramahansa Yogananda

Change yourself and you have done your part in changing the world. Every individual must change his own life if he wants to live in a peaceful world. The world cannot become peaceful unless and until you yourself begin to work toward peace. It is only by removing hatred from our hearts that we can live a Christlike life.

It's been a long while since I've last written my thoughts here. I've been quite busy but nevertheless, peaceful and content for the most part of this year, thanks to applying everything I have learned so far.

From time to time, I do come back to my previous posts here to remind myself that I am always stronger than I think, and that I have already come to know how to get better when personal tribulations pass me by.

This paragram about PEACE is a reminder that at the bottom of it all, it's this hatred I have for some people/circumstances that I need to forgive so I can further heal myself and move on to a brighter life, and a better me. It's a trying process.

I know I've already forgiven them, but like Oprah said "Forgive, but never forget." And in the process of remembering, sometimes emotions arise that I thought have long been gone, until it suddenly hits me in my gut.

I guess, when that happens, it means that forgiveness hasn't been total, which is what I need to learn. Like what the paragram says, it is only with complete forgiveness that I can be like a real daughter of God, an offspring of the mighty creator.

I am on my way there... Like earlier today, my brother shared some nasty stuff about my step grandmother again. So apparently, she hasn't changed her evil ways. But I won't let that affect me anymore. In fact, I was just neutral and calm the whole time he was telling me about his most recent experiences with her. I've already forgiven her and that's that. I will just not make it a point to be in the same room with her. I'll let her live her life and I'll do mine, praying and hoping the best for her.

CHEERFULNESS - A Paragram by Paramahansa Yogananda

Cheerfulness consists principally in the attitude of the mind, and is conditioned only incidentally by outside factors. Your happiness need not die, stricken by poverty, sickness, or sorrow. Realize that enough hidden strength lies within you to overcome all obstacles and temptations. Bring forth that indomitable power and energy by being cheerful at all times in spite of your circumstances. Only when you lose your mental balance are you vulnerable to suffering. If you are burned by the fire of difficulties, apply the salve of cheerfulness until your inner balance and peace are restored.

Have you ever experienced one bad thing happening to you after another? What do you do to bounce back? What can you do to be able to take a deep breathe, detach yourself from the situation, and move on?

Many people I know tend to have a hard time going forward with their lives whenever something tragic happens to them. I guess it's human nature. Nobody's perfect and we have to sometimes allow ourselves to sulk, mope, eat lots of ice cream or do whatever it is to make the hurt and pain go away. For some, the process is easy. For others, it can take time and effort, resources which can be scarce, given the busy lives people tend to live today.

But then again, who says that life is easy? Well, I know I did say that before. And I still believe it until now, even when I'm busily burying myself in work, trying to ignore the pain caused by my PC and external drive crashing down on me (where my most precious memories and confidential files since 2002 were saved), and even when I seldom sleep anymore. Life is easy and if it's hard right now, it's because I am making it so.

Nobody told me to work 24 hours a day. Everyone kept saying to back up, back up, back up! Nobody forced me to be miserable. And I am stopping now. There are more severe problems out there in the world, like maybe the fact that our country just recently voted for the next President (Noynoy Aquino) and already, they are clamoring for his removal from office. See? My problems are so tiny next to what our country will be facing in the next several years.

Cheerfulness, just like love and happiness are not only gifts. They are both our right and obligation to ourselves because we deserve no less. Cheerfulness must come from within, even in the most dire of circumstances. It's just life. Sometimes we have it all, sometimes we don't. Let's move on and make new memories, create new blessings, live better lives. Today is always the perfect day to start. Aren't we Pinoys known to be one of the most cheerful race? So, who's with me?

All About Prudence

It is not your passing thoughts or brilliant ideas so much as your plain everyday habits that control your life. Be directed by prudence, or wise forethought; be circumspect with all your actions; be careful, discreet, and sensible. Intelligence is a mark of God. Live simply. Don't get caught in the machine of the world --- it is too exacting. By the time you get what you are seeking your nerves are gone, the heart is damaged, and the bones are aching. Resolve to develop your spiritual powers more earnestly from now on. Learn the art of right living. If you have joy, you have everything, so learn to be glad and contented. Laugh at the world! Have happiness now. --- A Para-Gram by Paramahansa Yogananda

I have worked in the corporate world for almost a decade and as I was going up the so-called corporate ladder, that's where I saw and experienced the dog-eat-dog world that I kept seeing in novels I read before. I saw executives, people of high caliber and mega power slowly die... if not spiritually, then literally get sick and die... all because of the pressure and stress they get from their high-paying jobs, not to mention marriages and relationships being broken because of deceit, adultery and practice of bad judgment. In my experience, the more money I get, the more sick I became. Some people can survive this but at a price. I was one of them. You may be one of them too. But like me, you have a choice. You can be cunning and ruthless if you have to... if you really want to get at the top of your field. But what will that do to you? And at what price?

You can also choose to live with prudence... with joy in your heart. Through constant mediation, you can develop your spiritual powers and from there, learn the art of right living. You can do this everyday if you really want to...

Set a time during the day, even for just a few minutes, where you can be at peace. It can be after you wake up, before going to bed at night, during your lunch or snack break in the office or while you are commuting to/from work... it's up to you. Sit in a comfortable sitting position, close your eyes and breathe deeply. Think of three things that you are grateful for. It doesn't matter if it's as simple as being able to wake up that morning or as big as getting a bonus at work. Whatever it is that you declare will put your mind in an abundant state. And when your mindset is that of abundance, more blessings will come to you.

Next is to visualize and feel the things that you want in your life. Picture them vividly in your mind. What is it that you really want? You can form a mantra that you can recite either out loud or in your head. Then with every breathe, release them one by one. Then believe that all these things are in the process of coming true. Know and feel it deep down. By the time you open your eyes, you will feel more rejuvenated, you will have clarity and the rest of your day will be easier to handle.

In the long run, you may either stick with your job or the life that you are currently having, or you may pursue the things that you are really passionate about. But now that you are living with prudence in your heart, you will be able to discern which things are more important and which are superficial and be able to live your daily life with more joy and contentment in your heart.

The Fundamentals of Success #5: Believe in Yourself

The 5th principle is very much tied with the fourth. Now that you believe anything is possible, then go the extra mile by believing in yourself first.

You weren't an accident. You weren't mass produced. You aren't an assembly-line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on Earth by the Master Craftsman. - Max Lucado, best-selling author

Believe in yourself. How simple is that? It doesn't matter whether you are the smartest one around or the one who didn't finish college. Believe in yourself... in your capabilities and everything else will follow. How many billionaires do we know who never even finished college? And how many people do we know who have gotten their masters and doctorate degrees and yet are still not financially successful?

Don't let others dictate how you should live your life. And in times when no one else believes in you, you have to believe in yourself. This is what will make you a winner. What others think about you is none of your business. Whether you like it or not, Dr. Daniel Amen's 18/40/60 Rule is very true:

When you're 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you're 40, you don't give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you're 60, you realize that nobody's been thinking about you at all.

This is such a revelation isn't?! Here we are, wasting our time worrying about what others think of us. When in truth, no one really bothers coz everyone else is also busy thinking about themselves! So stop wasting time and start using it doing more productive things that can help you achieve your goal.

As a young kid, I've always known that I was the shy type. I did have tons of friends and acquaintances both in school and wherever I go but I know deep down, I'm happier by myself. But, I also know that the world does not operate that way. If I wanted to succeed, I made myself believe that I should get out of my shell and explore my options. So what I did was, I just believed in myself that I could do it. Whether it was to lead a class, or to act on stage, or to talk in front of so many people, or to deliver a speech during oratorical contests, I just know that I can do it, nervous and all.

As an elementary and secondary student, I was always sent to various quiz bees, seminars, workshops, etc. and I was expected to lead and mingle with people. No matter how shy I'd get, I just start by faking it at first. I have always been good at acting anyway, so I might as well use it. It did pay off. The confidence that grew in me was brought about by years of practice, of believing in myself that I can do it. And even if at times I fail, I just get up again and again. I don't want to waste my time believing that I can't. This is why I love venturing into new things. I've given up "I can't" a long time ago. And whenever I do feel like I can't, at least I know that I always have a choice of whether to believe it or not. And so do you. It's just a matter or attitude.

The Fundamentals of Success #4: Believe It's Possible

Before I tackle the 4th principle, do check out these other three:  

1.Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life 
2.Be Clear Why You're Here 
3.Decide What You Want 

On to the next success principle: 

The Fundamentals of Success #4: Believe It's Possible

Happiness for Everyone this New Year

It must be a puzzle for most of us how some people tend to be happier than others in spite of the tragedies that had befallen them… why do some people easily bounce back from life’s tragedies while there are others who, despite having almost everything they ever wanted in life, still seem to feel miserable. Well, wonder no more. There is actually a scientific theory that can explain this phenomenon. And scientists call this --- HAPPINESS SET POINT.

Scientists continue to prove that 1/2 of our happiness level is genetic. Yes, we all got our tendency for happiness/misery from our biological parents and that is our base point. Would you believe? 50% of the time, how we feel comes from the way our parents feel about life too. But it does not mean that those born with somber parents are doomed for life. This just means that they would have to work doubly hard on intending to be blissful. It’s the same way with obese and skinny people. They have to work harder in getting their desired weight as compared to those who are born with just the perfect genes (according to social standards at least).

Knowing these things, how do we become happy? How do we make this coming New Year filled with bliss, love, and more of the great things that we’ve all been yearning for? One minute we are ecstatic, the next minute, we get depressed. Then sometime in between, we bounce back to our happiness set point. How do we ensure that we feel happy most of the time at the very least?

Take for instance those people who were lucky enough to have won in the lottery and were deliriously happy about it at first. But after a few months or a year, they go back to their old sad selves. However, there are people who have lost so much and after a while, they go back to their content and happy lives. That level of happiness that they slowly went back to is their happiness set point.

But don’t fret if you belong to the somber ones. You may not be able to change your happiness set point because that is genetic, but you can change your overall level of everyday happiness and outlook in life. Happiness set point is after all, just 50% of the equation. The other half will depend on your effort and your will to want to be happy.

The following information might help:

The things that contribute to our overall happiness according to scientists are:
• Genetics – 50%
• Intentional Activity – 40%
• Circumstances – 10%

Now we know why material things can’t buy happiness. They are just part of the circumstances surrounding you (like whether you’re born rich or poor, white or black, handicapped or healthy, etc.) and it’s only 10% of the equation. The bigger chunk that we can control is our intention which comprises 40% of the equation. And that’s a lot! So when we intend to be happy and do things that make us happy, it counts for a lot in our happiness level.

So know your happiness set point by observing your parents and then from there, do things that can bring your happiness to a higher level.

Here are some examples of intentional activities you can do for you to reach that level of happiness you desire:

1. Take more pleasure in life. Look everywhere for happiness and delight!
Learn to appreciate the simple joys of life. Take pleasure in the little things.
- Take charge of your stressors. Control them.
- I’ve told you that money can’t buy happiness hence forget about making tons of it. Enjoy it instead and share the wealth.
- Our body is the temple of the holy spirit. Nurture and nourish it, do not abuse it.

2. Find the meaning of your life. Find your purpose.
- Believe in yourself. As you wake up each morning, make an affirmation in front of the mirror that today will be a great day. Believe this and it shall be.
- Fake it until you make it. Smile and act happy even if you don’t feel like it.
- Pay it forward. Do little acts of kindness, both random and planned.
- Be grateful for everything no matter what. Always
- Forgive, forget, let go, move on.
- Make new friends and nurture old ones.

3. Be engaged in your endeavors.
- Work as if you’re playing. Play as if you’re working.
- Take charge of the way you use your time, money and other resources. Don’t let anybody else pressure you.

These are just some examples of intentional activities we can do to increase our happiness level, especially this New Year and after everything that has happened the past year. Doing so can better the quality of our lives and help save humanity in the process.

God speed!

One Way To Beat Stress

Before I continue with my posts on Jack Canfield's Success Principles, let me share with you a little bit about stress. I read something about it a few minutes ago and it just struck me so hard that I needed to immediately write something about it.

HOW TO BEAT STRESS – 3 SIMPLE STEPS I ADOPTED FROM TONY ROBBINS

The Fundamentals of Success # 1: Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life

Over the next several months, I shall be sharing with you my insights on one of Jack Canfield's many published books, The Success Principles (How to Get from Where You are to Where You Want to Be). If you'd like to purchase a copy, it's only priced at Php745.00 in Powerbooks which I think is pretty cheap for such a very good investment. It's practical and easy to read too.

READ MORE:

HOW TO TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE

Positive Thinking Works

One busy evening, I was asked by a male friend of mine online: "How can you always stay so positive?". I surmise that many of my friends are wondering about the same thing too but he was the one brave enough to actually ask me. I replied that it's something I have always inculcated in myself since way back in college. A decade later, I am finally reaping its benefits.

Read more:

Positive Thinking Works

Who is Kicking Pinay?

Growing up, I have witnessed and experienced a lot of negativity around me. Although we were not very poor, there were a lot of times my siblings and I weren't able to eat right. We got by with the help of a few kind relatives and even strangers from beyond. But still, ghosts of my family's past kept on coming back to haunt us. My mom used to be a total nag, an emotional wreck and a big spender, my dad had the worst of vices, my brother attempted to kill himself several times, my sister grew up physically abused and I...well, I almost had a mental & emotional breakdown.

But all that is in the past. My mom is a lot happier these days, my dad is busy with a small home-based business he has, my brother is now a very responsible father and provider, my sister is a millionaire living independently while helping out our family and I am living the life I want: stress-free, with financial and time independence.

What matters now is the way I choose to live my life, hoping to encourage others like me to rise above their current situation and become stronger, better and happier. We have the power within us to change our lives the way we want it to be. It is here, inside of us, whether we believe it or not. It only takes a certain level of acknowledgment, acceptance, belief and hard work to make one's way to a life of greater possibilities.

This blog will talk about overcoming challenges, problems and difficulties from the most mundane to the most complex of cases. Eventually, it will feature other Pinays with a "kicking" attitude --- those who persevered and succeeded, those who did not easily give up, those who continue to live a full life. It will tackle subjects like success, good health, freedom from want, wealth and happiness to name a few. It will not focus on the negative but rather use it to find one's purpose in life... one's ultimate destiny... or at least try to. It's one of the simplest things I can do to show my gratitude to a transcendental power that continues to give life to us all. That and ultimately following my own advice, of course.