How to Face Your Fears

Lately, I have been feeling down again. Maybe it's because my husband got sick over the weekend, and it's really hard for me every time that happens. I feel mad, I feel very worried, I feel like I should be doing something more fun and productive, yet there I was, playing nurse and starting to feel sick too. It was not until I went online to read a couple of posts from this blog (reading my past realizations somehow makes me feel a lot better), checked my messages and answered some that I felt inspired once again.

On this particular post, I'd like to share a conversation I had with someone who contacted me via Facebook. It's about facing one's fears, about how I seemingly managed to do a lot of things and how this person can be fearless as well. After I wrote my advice and read it again, it also hit me, like... wow! I did all those things?! It's amazing how some people who seek for my help end up being the ones who help and inspire me instead. So this post is for Sam (name altered for privacy purposes). Thank you, Sam, for making me see that in spite of a couple of bumps along the way, life is still beautiful.

Sam:

Hi Ms. Jen, Ive just watched your TV appearances. Sikat ka pala tlaga (I didn't know you're famous). You are right, confidence is one of the keys... for doing what you want and need.. I admire your fearless and adventurous personality. I really wanted to do things I wanted to do, but when I had minor heart problem, mitral valve prolapse in which palpitations and anxiety ruins my moods...

Luckily, I dont have any maintenance medicine, but I have medicine for palpitations if I can't bear the attacks. This illness is more associated with the mind, nasasamahan pa ng nerbyos kapag naiisip ko o akala ko aatakihin ako... (coupled with nervousness when I think I'm going to have another attack). Good thing some gym work out really helps.

I'm asking for your advice or any suggestions on how to overcome fears, how I can be motivated for doing what I love.. dami ko hindi ngagawa kasi nga maraming fears (There are so many things I can't do due to my fears) or negativity before I even start. How can I be more motivated?? I'm also still struggling to find what my passion really is...

BTW I'm now reading Happiness in Hard Times, thank you. I'm also sharing it to my friends.. your blogs are very informative and inspirational.. and Thank you very much.. More Blessings to you Ms. Jen!

My reply:

Sorry for my late reply. I've been playing wifey and mommy to my sick husband these past few days and I haven't been opening my messages folder here on FB. Sorry about that.

Hey, I'm so glad you're reading the book now and sharing it with your friends. That book is my Bible. I've been reading it too over the weekend coz every time my hubby gets sick, for some reason, I also get mad at him and I'm trying to overcome that. I guess I was just expecting our weekend to be fun. I usually don't see him all week because of work and I was hoping we can go out of town and windsurf but instead we had to stay home and I had to take care of him. But he's getting better now, thank God.

I'm so sorry to hear about your heart condition. At the same time I am saying a silent thank you prayer that it's not worse than it is. Like you said, it's all in the mind. Just keep training your mind and keep believing that you're healthy, that you have everything you need, that your life is unfolding perfectly. Just keep being grateful for the blessings you have and the blessings that keep coming your way no matter how small. The more you feel good about your life, the better your life will get and the more things you can do.

Being fearless is not about not feeling fear. It's actually acknowledging the fact that you fear something and it's also acknowledging the fact that you can face your fear and overcome it.

Many of the things I did, I did while I was feeling very fearful...

I was scared of the ocean so I surfed, I snorkeled, I tried diving once, I rode boats amidst the swells of the ocean.

I was scared to jump off a cliff so I jumped amidst the raging falls at Pundaquit in Zambales, 15 meters high.

I was scared of snakes and alligators, so I went to zoos and held all sorts of snakes and carried a baby crocodile.

I was scared to fly, so I took 6 flights from Manila to Singapore to Kuala Lumpur to Vietnam in a period of 8 days.

I was scared to be alone so I spent 4 weeks alone in Boracay....

All these things were scary for me. I cried at some point but I knew I just had to do them and face them. I will always be scared to do them all over again but at least now I know I can do them despite the feeling of fear. Like anything else, it's just a feeling. I can choose to ignore the fear and just go on with my life, doing things that I know will make me a better person.

So just do what you want to do, as long as you know it won't pose a great risk to your life. The reason why I stopped diving is because I had a hard time pressurizing my ear at that time, that if I didn't stop I knew I'd die. For some people, diving is easy. But I am also smart enough to know what my limits are and when to say no.

So try to do the things you want at least once. Those you enjoyed the most, keep doing them again and again. Before you know it, you'll realize what your passion in life really is.

I hope what I've been saying here makes sense. I wish you well, Sam. And do update me of your progress..

CHEERFULNESS - A Paragram by Paramahansa Yogananda

Cheerfulness consists principally in the attitude of the mind, and is conditioned only incidentally by outside factors. Your happiness need not die, stricken by poverty, sickness, or sorrow. Realize that enough hidden strength lies within you to overcome all obstacles and temptations. Bring forth that indomitable power and energy by being cheerful at all times in spite of your circumstances. Only when you lose your mental balance are you vulnerable to suffering. If you are burned by the fire of difficulties, apply the salve of cheerfulness until your inner balance and peace are restored.

Have you ever experienced one bad thing happening to you after another? What do you do to bounce back? What can you do to be able to take a deep breathe, detach yourself from the situation, and move on?

Many people I know tend to have a hard time going forward with their lives whenever something tragic happens to them. I guess it's human nature. Nobody's perfect and we have to sometimes allow ourselves to sulk, mope, eat lots of ice cream or do whatever it is to make the hurt and pain go away. For some, the process is easy. For others, it can take time and effort, resources which can be scarce, given the busy lives people tend to live today.

But then again, who says that life is easy? Well, I know I did say that before. And I still believe it until now, even when I'm busily burying myself in work, trying to ignore the pain caused by my PC and external drive crashing down on me (where my most precious memories and confidential files since 2002 were saved), and even when I seldom sleep anymore. Life is easy and if it's hard right now, it's because I am making it so.

Nobody told me to work 24 hours a day. Everyone kept saying to back up, back up, back up! Nobody forced me to be miserable. And I am stopping now. There are more severe problems out there in the world, like maybe the fact that our country just recently voted for the next President (Noynoy Aquino) and already, they are clamoring for his removal from office. See? My problems are so tiny next to what our country will be facing in the next several years.

Cheerfulness, just like love and happiness are not only gifts. They are both our right and obligation to ourselves because we deserve no less. Cheerfulness must come from within, even in the most dire of circumstances. It's just life. Sometimes we have it all, sometimes we don't. Let's move on and make new memories, create new blessings, live better lives. Today is always the perfect day to start. Aren't we Pinoys known to be one of the most cheerful race? So, who's with me?

Tips for a More Productive 2010

My girlfriend, Koryn, forwarded these tips to me via email. She seldom does that and I seldom read forwarded emails but the title and content caught my attention and I feel like sharing them with you now.

Unknowingly, I have been practicing most of these tips all these years no wonder I seem to be living such a remarkable life despite everything (tips # 3-11). As for tips #1-2, I am getting there. ^_^

Finally, these tips and more can be found in this amazing book should you want to purchase it.

Here they are.... tips on how to live a more productive life:

1. Purge clutter, downsize, and minimize. The less stuff you own, the less you have to clean, store, maintain, manage, protect, worry about, stress about, waste money on, forget, and pick up. Have the minimum amount of stuff for you to be comfortable. (This level is different for everyone and you’ll have to figure it out for yourself.)

2. Organize what you choose to own and use. Your home and office don’t need to be pristine museums, but you and the people who access the same space/items need to be able to easily find things when they’re needed. Order is better than chaos, and order saves you time and energy.

3. Commit to a streamlined routine for the mundane tasks in your life and be disciplined enough to maintain that routine. If you do 30 minutes of housework a day, your home is never chaotic. But, you have to be committed to these daily activities (dishes, laundry as needed, things put back in place when finished, kitty litter scooped, etc.) and not put them off for another day. The same is true for work; you have to stay on top of the necessary tasks or they will haunt you. I also think of this item as taking responsibility for the things you choose to own.

4. Determine what matters most to you. Make a list of the people, activities, and things in your life that mean the most to you and then spend the vast majority of your time focusing on these items. Be honest with yourself, though, and put on your list what really matters to you, not what you think should matter to you.

5. Remind yourself that even if you live to be 100, life is short. There is no better time to live your life than right now. My life’s motto is carpe vitam, Latin for seize life. It’s morbid to think about, but someday might not ever come. Stop putting things off until tomorrow.

6. Say “no” to what doesn’t matter. If an activity or responsibility isn’t on your list of what matters most to you, say “no” to it. Learn to say “no” in such a way as to not be a jerk, but say “no” when you need to. This is where I greatly differ from most people because I don’t feel guilty about protecting my time. And, as far as I know, most people don’t think I’m a jerk because I’m clear about why I’m declining offers and invitations. (“Taking a yoga class with you would be fun, but Wednesday nights are date night with my husband. Is there a similar class we can take together on another night?”)

7. Enjoy being industrious. Working provides us with the resources to take care of the things that matter most. Whatever you do for a career, make sure it is something that you enjoy (even if just minimally).

8. Get rid of everything that is toxic in your life because toxic things are clutter. Toxic people and habits suck up resources and energy. I was an avid smoker until I calculated how much of my money, time, and energy were going into my smoking addiction. No matter how gifted and talented, I avoid employing, working with, and spending time with people who are toxic. A toxic person can waste your time and mental energy faster than any other form of clutter.

9. Live within your means and save money for retirement, rainy days, and adventures. Get rid of your credit cards and only use cash or your debit card. Live on a budget even if you don’t need to be mindful of your spending habits. Have a retirement account, and two savings accounts — one for emergencies (refrigerator died, fender bender) and one for splurging on what matters most to you (vacation, rock climbing lessons, a camera to capture your child’s first steps). Buy quality instead of quantity. Be a smart consumer.

10. Take risks and be brazen. A second motto in my life is ad astra per aspera, which is loosely translated as to the stars through difficulty. (It’s also the Kansas state motto.) Great things might fall in your lap from time to time, but for the most part you have to get outside your comfort zone and initiate something new. Have you always wanted to learn to play the flute? Get your hands on a flute and start taking lessons. You’ll be really awful those first six months (or year or five), but you’ll never learn to play the flute if you don’t take the chance and try.

11. Get adequate sleep. Keep a sleep journal and find out how much sleep you need to function at your best. Then, make sure you get that amount of sleep every night. When you’re well rested, it’s easier to stay calm, be productive, and focus on what you need and want to do.

The Fundamentals of Success #3: Decide What You Want

It's been months since I last posted on this blog. For the most part, I was practicing all those lessons I learned in the first two chapters of Jack Canfield's book "The Success Principles": 

Read more: 

HOW TO DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT

One Way To Beat Stress

Before I continue with my posts on Jack Canfield's Success Principles, let me share with you a little bit about stress. I read something about it a few minutes ago and it just struck me so hard that I needed to immediately write something about it.

HOW TO BEAT STRESS – 3 SIMPLE STEPS I ADOPTED FROM TONY ROBBINS

The Fundamentals of Success # 1: Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life

Over the next several months, I shall be sharing with you my insights on one of Jack Canfield's many published books, The Success Principles (How to Get from Where You are to Where You Want to Be). If you'd like to purchase a copy, it's only priced at Php745.00 in Powerbooks which I think is pretty cheap for such a very good investment. It's practical and easy to read too.

READ MORE:

HOW TO TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE