Lately, I have been feeling down again. Maybe it's because my husband got sick over the weekend, and it's really hard for me every time that happens. I feel mad, I feel very worried, I feel like I should be doing something more fun and productive, yet there I was, playing nurse and starting to feel sick too. It was not until I went online to read a couple of posts from this blog (reading my past realizations somehow makes me feel a lot better), checked my messages and answered some that I felt inspired once again.
On this particular post, I'd like to share a conversation I had with someone who contacted me via Facebook. It's about facing one's fears, about how I seemingly managed to do a lot of things and how this person can be fearless as well. After I wrote my advice and read it again, it also hit me, like... wow! I did all those things?! It's amazing how some people who seek for my help end up being the ones who help and inspire me instead. So this post is for Sam (name altered for privacy purposes). Thank you, Sam, for making me see that in spite of a couple of bumps along the way, life is still beautiful.
Sam:
Hi Ms. Jen, Ive just watched your TV appearances. Sikat ka pala tlaga (I didn't know you're famous). You are right, confidence is one of the keys... for doing what you want and need.. I admire your fearless and adventurous personality. I really wanted to do things I wanted to do, but when I had minor heart problem, mitral valve prolapse in which palpitations and anxiety ruins my moods...
Luckily, I dont have any maintenance medicine, but I have medicine for palpitations if I can't bear the attacks. This illness is more associated with the mind, nasasamahan pa ng nerbyos kapag naiisip ko o akala ko aatakihin ako... (coupled with nervousness when I think I'm going to have another attack). Good thing some gym work out really helps.
I'm asking for your advice or any suggestions on how to overcome fears, how I can be motivated for doing what I love.. dami ko hindi ngagawa kasi nga maraming fears (There are so many things I can't do due to my fears) or negativity before I even start. How can I be more motivated?? I'm also still struggling to find what my passion really is...
BTW I'm now reading Happiness in Hard Times, thank you. I'm also sharing it to my friends.. your blogs are very informative and inspirational.. and Thank you very much.. More Blessings to you Ms. Jen!
My reply:
Sorry for my late reply. I've been playing wifey and mommy to my sick husband these past few days and I haven't been opening my messages folder here on FB. Sorry about that.
Hey, I'm so glad you're reading the book now and sharing it with your friends. That book is my Bible. I've been reading it too over the weekend coz every time my hubby gets sick, for some reason, I also get mad at him and I'm trying to overcome that. I guess I was just expecting our weekend to be fun. I usually don't see him all week because of work and I was hoping we can go out of town and windsurf but instead we had to stay home and I had to take care of him. But he's getting better now, thank God.
I'm so sorry to hear about your heart condition. At the same time I am saying a silent thank you prayer that it's not worse than it is. Like you said, it's all in the mind. Just keep training your mind and keep believing that you're healthy, that you have everything you need, that your life is unfolding perfectly. Just keep being grateful for the blessings you have and the blessings that keep coming your way no matter how small. The more you feel good about your life, the better your life will get and the more things you can do.
Being fearless is not about not feeling fear. It's actually acknowledging the fact that you fear something and it's also acknowledging the fact that you can face your fear and overcome it.
Many of the things I did, I did while I was feeling very fearful...
I was scared of the ocean so I surfed, I snorkeled, I tried diving once, I rode boats amidst the swells of the ocean.
I was scared to jump off a cliff so I jumped amidst the raging falls at Pundaquit in Zambales, 15 meters high.
I was scared of snakes and alligators, so I went to zoos and held all sorts of snakes and carried a baby crocodile.
I was scared to fly, so I took 6 flights from Manila to Singapore to Kuala Lumpur to Vietnam in a period of 8 days.
I was scared to be alone so I spent 4 weeks alone in Boracay....
All these things were scary for me. I cried at some point but I knew I just had to do them and face them. I will always be scared to do them all over again but at least now I know I can do them despite the feeling of fear. Like anything else, it's just a feeling. I can choose to ignore the fear and just go on with my life, doing things that I know will make me a better person.
So just do what you want to do, as long as you know it won't pose a great risk to your life. The reason why I stopped diving is because I had a hard time pressurizing my ear at that time, that if I didn't stop I knew I'd die. For some people, diving is easy. But I am also smart enough to know what my limits are and when to say no.
So try to do the things you want at least once. Those you enjoyed the most, keep doing them again and again. Before you know it, you'll realize what your passion in life really is.
I hope what I've been saying here makes sense. I wish you well, Sam. And do update me of your progress..
The following post is all about what Oprah wrote in her book LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE which I am currently reading. I am just so inspired with her article that I decided to repost it here. I'm sure you will feel enlightened too after reading her piece. You see, many of us have this tendency to be on the verge of a meltdown whenever we get so buried with work. Oprah reminds us all to have time for renewal... a time to love ourselves even if it's just one day or few moments in our very busy, driven lives...
"I was in my 20s when I figured out how to regulate my energy. I'd taken a job as a reporter and was working hundred-hours weeks, trying to be a team player. It was only after I became depleted that I realized I had only a certain amount of energy -- and I needed to conserve and restore it. I understood that I had to keep giving back to myself to refill my tank.
Now, when I begin to feel exhausted, I pull back. If I'm at work and people are lined up at my desk with one request after another, I literally go sit in my closet and refuel. And I always give myself Sundays as a spiritual base of renewal --- a day when I do absolutely nothing. I sit in my jammies or take a walk, and I allow myself to BE -- capital B-E -- with myself. When I don't, I absolutely become stressed, irritable, anxiety-prone, and not the person I want to be in the world.
The way you eat makes a difference in terms of sustainability, which is why I avoid sugar -- I don't want a high followed by a fall (see my Food Blog for some tips). I don't do energy bars or caffeine. I've learned to listen to my body. I know I'll be hungry at ten o'clock every morning, about the time I finish taping my first of two shows. At four in the afternoon, I'm ravenous. "Must be ten of four," I'll announce during a meeting, "because I could eat this cushion." That's when I have my biggest meal of the day --- usually a protein and some kind of fruit or vegetable.
But feeding yourself is more than food. I believe we're all connected to each other's energy fields -- whenever you walk into a roomful of people, your energy is either restored or taken away from you. If I'm around someone who saps me, I have to put up a barrier -- a nonphysical wall that keeps that person's negative vibes away. I also have a couple of energy idols --- people whose energy amazes me. Diane Sawyer is one. I don't know what I would do if I had to get up at three or four in the morning. And there's nobody like Tina Turner. How does she do that in Manolo Blahniks?
Energy is the essence of life. Everyday you decide how you're going to use it by knowing what you want and what it takes to reach your goal, and by maintaining focus. That means asking yourself: Is what I'm doing part of my overall plan and can I release the energy I'll need? ------ Oprah
The last line definitely blew my mind away. Over the last couple of months, there have been some opportunities offered to me which after much thought, I simply refused.I don't have a definite answer as to why, but I just mostly relied on my gut feel at that time. They just didn't feel right. I had queasy feelings in my stomach which are definitely a bad sign. After I read this article, and considering the fact that I just accepted a new job without even thinking so hard about it, it was all because those that I've let go were not part of my overall plan while this one that I've accepted, is. Therefore, I have the energy to release for it, despite my very busy, hectic schedule.
Having shared my simple food for thought, I wish you also gained a bit of wisdom from the article and I wish you all well in your present and future endeavors. Should you need some more enlightenment in a more unconventional way, do head to my Wiccan Blog for some magical help. The Kicking Pinay also does positive spells and tarot card readings. ^_^
The 5th principle is very much tied with the fourth. Now that you believe anything is possible, then go the extra mile by believing in yourself first.
You weren't an accident. You weren't mass produced. You aren't an assembly-line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on Earth by the Master Craftsman. - Max Lucado, best-selling author
Believe in yourself. How simple is that? It doesn't matter whether you are the smartest one around or the one who didn't finish college. Believe in yourself... in your capabilities and everything else will follow. How many billionaires do we know who never even finished college? And how many people do we know who have gotten their masters and doctorate degrees and yet are still not financially successful? Don't let others dictate how you should live your life. And in times when no one else believes in you, you have to believe in yourself. This is what will make you a winner. What others think about you is none of your business. Whether you like it or not, Dr. Daniel Amen's 18/40/60 Rule is very true:
When you're 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you're 40, you don't give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you're 60, you realize that nobody's been thinking about you at all.
This is such a revelation isn't?! Here we are, wasting our time worrying about what others think of us. When in truth, no one really bothers coz everyone else is also busy thinking about themselves! So stop wasting time and start using it doing more productive things that can help you achieve your goal. As a young kid, I've always known that I was the shy type. I did have tons of friends and acquaintances both in school and wherever I go but I know deep down, I'm happier by myself. But, I also know that the world does not operate that way. If I wanted to succeed, I made myself believe that I should get out of my shell and explore my options. So what I did was, I just believed in myself that I could do it. Whether it was to lead a class, or to act on stage, or to talk in front of so many people, or to deliver a speech during oratorical contests, I just know that I can do it, nervous and all. As an elementary and secondary student, I was always sent to various quiz bees, seminars, workshops, etc. and I was expected to lead and mingle with people. No matter how shy I'd get, I just start by faking it at first. I have always been good at acting anyway, so I might as well use it. It did pay off. The confidence that grew in me was brought about by years of practice, of believing in myself that I can do it. And even if at times I fail, I just get up again and again. I don't want to waste my time believing that I can't. This is why I love venturing into new things. I've given up "I can't" a long time ago. And whenever I do feel like I can't, at least I know that I always have a choice of whether to believe it or not. And so do you. It's just a matter or attitude.
My girlfriend, Koryn, forwarded these tips to me via email. She seldom does that and I seldom read forwarded emails but the title and content caught my attention and I feel like sharing them with you now.
Unknowingly, I have been practicing most of these tips all these years no wonder I seem to be living such a remarkable life despite everything (tips # 3-11). As for tips #1-2, I am getting there. ^_^
Finally, these tips and more can be found in this amazing book should you want to purchase it.
Here they are.... tips on how to live a more productive life:
1. Purge clutter, downsize, and minimize. The less stuff you own, the less you have to clean, store, maintain, manage, protect, worry about, stress about, waste money on, forget, and pick up. Have the minimum amount of stuff for you to be comfortable. (This level is different for everyone and you’ll have to figure it out for yourself.)
2. Organize what you choose to own and use. Your home and office don’t need to be pristine museums, but you and the people who access the same space/items need to be able to easily find things when they’re needed. Order is better than chaos, and order saves you time and energy.
3. Commit to a streamlined routine for the mundane tasks in your life and be disciplined enough to maintain that routine. If you do 30 minutes of housework a day, your home is never chaotic. But, you have to be committed to these daily activities (dishes, laundry as needed, things put back in place when finished, kitty litter scooped, etc.) and not put them off for another day. The same is true for work; you have to stay on top of the necessary tasks or they will haunt you. I also think of this item as taking responsibility for the things you choose to own.
4. Determine what matters most to you. Make a list of the people, activities, and things in your life that mean the most to you and then spend the vast majority of your time focusing on these items. Be honest with yourself, though, and put on your list what really matters to you, not what you think should matter to you.
5. Remind yourself that even if you live to be 100, life is short. There is no better time to live your life than right now. My life’s motto is carpe vitam, Latin for seize life. It’s morbid to think about, but someday might not ever come. Stop putting things off until tomorrow.
6. Say “no” to what doesn’t matter. If an activity or responsibility isn’t on your list of what matters most to you, say “no” to it. Learn to say “no” in such a way as to not be a jerk, but say “no” when you need to. This is where I greatly differ from most people because I don’t feel guilty about protecting my time. And, as far as I know, most people don’t think I’m a jerk because I’m clear about why I’m declining offers and invitations. (“Taking a yoga class with you would be fun, but Wednesday nights are date night with my husband. Is there a similar class we can take together on another night?”)
7. Enjoy being industrious. Working provides us with the resources to take care of the things that matter most. Whatever you do for a career, make sure it is something that you enjoy (even if just minimally).
8. Get rid of everything that is toxic in your life because toxic things are clutter. Toxic people and habits suck up resources and energy. I was an avid smoker until I calculated how much of my money, time, and energy were going into my smoking addiction. No matter how gifted and talented, I avoid employing, working with, and spending time with people who are toxic. A toxic person can waste your time and mental energy faster than any other form of clutter.
9. Live within your means and save money for retirement, rainy days, and adventures. Get rid of your credit cards and only use cash or your debit card. Live on a budget even if you don’t need to be mindful of your spending habits. Have a retirement account, and two savings accounts — one for emergencies (refrigerator died, fender bender) and one for splurging on what matters most to you (vacation, rock climbing lessons, a camera to capture your child’s first steps). Buy quality instead of quantity. Be a smart consumer.
10. Take risks and be brazen. A second motto in my life is ad astra per aspera, which is loosely translated as to the stars through difficulty. (It’s also the Kansas state motto.) Great things might fall in your lap from time to time, but for the most part you have to get outside your comfort zone and initiate something new. Have you always wanted to learn to play the flute? Get your hands on a flute and start taking lessons. You’ll be really awful those first six months (or year or five), but you’ll never learn to play the flute if you don’t take the chance and try.
11. Get adequate sleep. Keep a sleep journal and find out how much sleep you need to function at your best. Then, make sure you get that amount of sleep every night. When you’re well rested, it’s easier to stay calm, be productive, and focus on what you need and want to do.
