It's Day 2...
And since the moment it happened, I've been reading this article to help me cope. It's true what that article says, that even if what had to end has already been unhealthy for sometime, once it does, you will still feel all sorts of painful and unsettling emotions after - stress, grief, disappointment, confusion, profound loss, sadness, etc. No wonder I'd always take back my decision before because I didn't want to deal with these painful emotions after. But now that the final decision had been his and I know I've already caused him so much pain too, it's time to grow up and face the music.
The thing that struck me the most...
I've just finished crying (for the nth time) and it always does make me feel a little better each time. So here's my game plan, my bliss plan so to speak. The article suggested a lot of coping mechanisms in this time of healing. And I agree to all of them, like:
- accept how I'm feeling and don't fight it
- talk about it to people you trust or write about it coz it's cathartic (which is what I'm doing now)
- take time to nurture yourself
But the thing that struck me the most was about sticking to a routine. You see, I'm a routine kind of person. Despite my being adventurous on the outside, I really am a routine kind of gal and I hate disrupting the things I do in my comfort zone. So below are my concrete plans at the moment to help me cope:
The battle plan...
- Maintain a certain type of routine.
Upon waking up, these are the things I usually do on a weekday and I should just continue doing them as much as possible:
- drink lemon water
- eat a banana
- clean the house
- cook my dishes for the whole day
- exercise / workout / walking / jogging / biking
- depending on my mood: watch a a little DVD movie or read a book or do tarot cards or play with my drums, guitar or keyboard
- take a bath
- get dressed
- do 12 hrs of online stuff
At the end of those 12 hours, I normally wake him up, just prepare for bed, read the news or read a book then I sleep and everything starts again the next day.
- Incorporate something new to my routine.
Perhaps, it's ok not to clean the house everyday since that takes up two hours of my time. And perhaps, it's ok to eat out once in a while or buy take out food instead of always cooking everyday. So I'm thinking, during Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I can set aside time for the following activities:
- boxing (which I've started a week or two ago but I got sick so I'm just recuperating and will be back to it soon)
- a little bit of groceries (he does this every weekend; it may be time for me to do my own groceries now)
- eating out
- blogging or journaling
- date with friends (if my schedule allows it)
Then on some weekends, if I'm not doing laundry or general house cleaning or traveling, I can pursue old hobbies and social activities like:
- Soap Making
- Vegetable farming
- Spa making
- Date with friends
- Make new plans or resurrect old forgotten ones.
When I'm feeling much better and energetic physically and emotionally, I should really start pursuing my masters. And being the superwoman that I consider myself to be, I can also probably do my little online business again. I used to sell clothes and cute accessories online. It was fun. It gave me a little extra income and I always end up with some new stuff. Though I remember it was physically tiring, it did make me happy. So that's something to consider sometime when I'm ready.
So for now, that's the plan. I'll worry about growing old alone next time. I want to make myself happy first before I even entertain the thought of having someone. For now, having my closest friends is enough. Will start this next week. Wish me luck! :D